[fic] An Exercise in Futility
Sep. 29th, 2007 11:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
transient_wordsDisclaimer: I don't own a thing
Rating: M
Summary: In which Naruto won’t let Sasuke go. NaruSasu.
Sometimes things in life just don’t work out. You can twist, bend and try to rearrange the shape till it slashes you across the face and cuts your breath off, but it won’t friggn’ work. It won’t because it’s fucked up, broken beyond repair. It’s too broken to be mended and what’s left of something that was once solid, is just a fragmented piece of debris and cracked up, spoilt goods. And when that happens you’re forced to move your legs mechanically towards the direction of the door to leave. Or you’re left to stay to pick up the pieces, pretending that everything is fine, even though it’s killing you inside. So, you’ve got two choices: to be a proud winner or a pathetic loser. It’s your pick.
Once, when he had felt bored and there hadn’t been enough ramen to stuff his mouth with, Naruto had come across that ..."line", for lack of better word. He had no idea why that phrase had affected him that much or why he remembered it now, considering he wasn’t too fond of literature -- too much prose made his head swirl and confused the shit out of him.
But, for the first time in his life, he thought that not every written word was entirely devoid of meaning. That it could even stimulate his brain cells and urge him to think about the current problems in his life, which – no pun intended – were again aplenty. And, as always, they dealt with Sasuke.
Naruto realised that neither options really worked for him. The first being too inhuman and cold-hearted – he couldn’t just walk away – and the latter was cowardly ass-kissing: damnable submission that wasn’t even worthy of a beggar. He wasn’t a scaredy cat; he wasn’t going to give this up without a fight nor was he going to beg on his knees like some deplorable wussy. He had more pride than that and to crawl on his fuckin’ knees in front of anyone was enough to make him want to retch. No, he wasn’t going to give Sasuke that satisfaction.
It was cold in the apartment; not the knife-stabbing cold of winter, but the cold that came in autumn on a hateful November night and froze skin, cracked it and was chilling enough to make tooth clatter against tooth, like two swords clashing in a fight. This was enough to make anyone feel miserably shitty and Naruto, even though he tried to hide it, didn’t feel really content; it wasn’t just the cold that was nagging at him, but the bastard’s damned behaviour. Sasuke, being who he was, had broken things off with him. Of course, breaking up according to Sasuke, happened overnight and was done with the simple:
“Get out. We’re done, Naruto.”
And he had expected Naruto to accept it – just like that. Well, he wasn’t only a bastard for this, but an arrogant jerk.
--------
It shouldn’t have been that cold, but it was and the ticking of the clock in the kitchen drove Naruto insane. It seemed to amplify the relentless throbbing in his head, heightening it to such an extent that he couldn’t think clearly anymore and the only focus he had was the pain, the constant drumming in his head.
“Shut the fuck up,” he yelled desperately and threw a heavy volume of “Icha Icha Violence” at it, thus making the offensive thing come out of its hook and fall with a clattering thud on the floor, which resounded in the entire room. Then, the monotonous tick-tic-tac came to a screeching stop, died down and then, finally, ceased to be – it was like an explosion, monstrous in its effect, yet fleeting in its existence. The book which he had perused for his private satisfaction remained motionless on the ground and Naruto didn’t bother to pick it up – he didn’t need it, anyway.
Although the ruckus had come to a momentary halt, his head was still aching from the sickening amount of alcoholic beverage he had consumed that day. It wasn’t something to be proud of, mostly because he wasn’t much – if at all – of a drinker. It was Sasuke’s fault.
All of this was the bastard’s fault because all he ever did was whine, mope and, in that way, make everyone’s life a miserable hell.
Sasuke, of course, wasn’t here, but he could still sense, even smell his lingering presence in the now deadly silent room, where shadows were crawling out, stretching their elongated limbs from under the curtains and dancing under the sickly green of the moon. Like this, they looked like puppets in a black and white film; grotesquely deformed and part of a nightmarish world.
The sound of a key turning in the door caused Naruto to look up, his despondent reverie broken. He didn’t say a word when the door opened and the familiar features of Sasuke came into view, looking beautiful as ever, though his clothes were ruffled, clearly showing that he had had a tough day behind him. But that didn’t make him feel sorry for him; Naruto’s day had been tough, too, if not tougher.
“Aah, you’re still here,” Sasuke muttered tiredly, throwing Naruto a quick, careless glance. He wasn’t satisfied, not understanding what the fuck the dead-last was still doing here when he had told him plainly to get the hell out. Sasuke thought he had been pretty clear about that. But, of course, Naruto being Naruto just hadn’t gotten the message.
“So I am, but don’t worry I’ll be gone soon…I’ll just toss the few junk I own into my bag,” Naruto said coolly, holding his head between two hands and rubbing his head, which was still hurting profusely.
He was lying and both of them knew it, but Sasuke insistent on playing that little game, continued:
“You should have done it sooner…Didn’t your lessons end six hours ago?”
Naruto nodded absent-mindedly, deploring the fact that Sasuke could always detect those little imperfections about him – be it his manners or lack thereof, his badly ironed clothes and the way he fought. However, he didn’t feel like putting up a grin. No, he couldn’t play the clown, not when he felt like slamming his fist against a wall, just to lessen some of the anger building up inside of him.
“I wasn’t there, “he managed to say, choking out the words like venom that was galling his throat, slowly choking him to death. In another – more sardonic – part of his being, he marvelled at his sudden incapability to string words and sentences phrases properly together. That was unlike him, not that he had ever been eloquent in his expressions; he was just, like some say, an annoying chatterbox, who knew more than his full share of perverted jokes and profane words. But most of all, he never shut up.
Sasuke sighed and took a seat before Naruto, eyeing him with even more annoyance than before. He didn’t like this at all, but after much deliberation he had thought it best to call it quits, seeing that all they ever did was make each other’s life miserable or fuck. Besides, Naruto wasn't what he needed right now.
“I wonder…” Naruto uttered in a ragged voice, drained of vitality and only short of sounding like bitterness, before he suddenly stopped and looked down at his dirty shoes in sudden interest.
“What is it you wanted to say?” Sasuke asked, ever so slightly concerned about Naruto’s sudden meekness. It wasn’t natural for him to be silent, unless gagged. “Spit it out, dobe. “
“I wonder how you can be so fucking casual about this,” Naruto uttered again, this time louder and more aggressively than before.
Sasuke cast his eyed downwards, refusing to meet the other’s questioning gaze. No, he had to be strong and he was going to prove that he wasn’t vulnerable and not like Naruto; emotions didn’t get the better of him. He wasn’t going to allow himself to be affected, not this time.
“It happens all the time, Naruto. Don’t act like it’s the end of the world or something,” he remarked coolly, hoping that it would trigger something in the blond and make him walk out of the fucking door. Of course, his instinct, knew better – Naruto wouldn’t leave. Not until, he or both of them were dead. Also, the entire misfortune of Sasuke’s life happened to be that his plans, intentions always backfired and came back to bite him in the arse. If things had worked out the way he had wanted them to happen, he would have been alone, content and most of all, wouldn’t have this silly conversation with Naruto.
Cold-hearted bastard, Naruto thought contemptuously, feeling something hideously icy and chilling embracing his body; he shuddered and looked away from Sasuke, who was still regarding him with that unapproachable air of disdain and superiority.
At that moment, Naruto felt that he could have lunged forward, thrown him to the floor and strangled him to death without feeling the slightest pang of guilt: he didn’t deserve this. And if Sasuke thought that this façade was going to work with him, then he was solemnly mistaken. He wanted to slap him so badly it hurt, but he calmed himself down, figuring that a fight wouldn’t resolve things at all.
Instead, he rose ever so swiftly from his seat and hammered his fist against the surface the table, not caring that teacup and spoons were clattering and in danger of crashing to the floor in broken pieces and splinters: he didn’t give a fuck about the pantry, not when he wouldn’t have opportunity to ever use it again. Besides, it didn’t matter; nothing mattered instead of convincing that thick-headed, moronic asshole that he wasn’t going to walk out of the door just like that. Naruto wasn’t a quitter. No, he wasn’t going to give up at all, not until the world was still spinning.
“Maybe it doesn’t mean anything to you…” Naruto started, his entire body trembling with something indefinably intense and passionate, which was neither rage nor overwhelming sadness – that would have been undermining them, simplifying a range of emotions that couldn’t be pinned down like a butterfly.
“But it’s for me. I, for whatever damned reasons, love you and I’m not going to sit here and pretend that it’s fine, that I’ll get through it just like that. And don’t tell me that you don’t feel a thing because I don’t believe it!”
“You’re a fucking idiot, Naruto. I told that that it won’t work out. Stop being so damned stubborn,” Sasuke managed to say, mouth working all too mechanically and his voice possessing that same tone of superiority. It was hard to maintain control when his insides were tearing up.
“It’s you who are,” Naruto replied venomously through gritted teeth, taking on that unspoken challenge to lash out. That always worked, even though it wasn’t healthy and made things even more screwed than they already were. But he couldn’t reach Sasuke otherwise.
There was silence, after that, was impenetrable and Naruto imagined he could hear grass growing, insects fornicating over that dull, thick atmosphere. But he wasn’t going to talk, not until Sasuke showed some sort of reaction, but he continued to sit there, staring at him with cool, unreadable eyes.
“Naruto, we went through this before. I’m not going to explain-“
Harsh lips, tasting like ramen and slight alcohol, stopped him short. Sasuke’s eyes widened momentarily, but in another second, he snapped them closed and gave in. Maybe it was the familiarity of the touch that did it; maybe it was because he was tired of pretending not to care. Perhaps, it was all of those reasons and another – Naruto was the only to make him feel excited. Before, he could even register what was going on; he had – somehow – leapt out of his seat and was returning the kiss with as much fervour. This was easy, far too easy, but it didn’t matter.
His brain seemed to go click and then the only thing that mattered was to kiss the other back with equal force, to fight over something, where dominance shouldn’t have played a role: but, boys will be boys, and Sasuke was about as unwilling to relent as Naruto was.
Sasuke moaned into the kiss, arousing Naruto in a way that made him even more ruthless in his caresses and resulted in his slamming the other against a wall. He knew that it must have hurt because Sasuke groaned slightly and the grip on his shoulders got nearly painful. It didn’t matter, though. He didn’t care whether the Sasuke went mad from the pain or not, didn’t care for anything, but that electrifying feel of overpowering the other boy.
“You’re not the only one who can be cruel, Sasuke,” he whispered into his ear, and then nibbled on the soft skin lightly, which made the other’s breath quicken slightly. “Just because you’re an Uchiha doesn’t mean that you can push me away just like that … “
It didn’t end there, of course. As soon as Sasuke’s back had made contact with the coldness of the white wall, where the paint had started to peel off, he wrapped his arms around Naruto’s neck; his legs were soon hanging, dangling from the floor and he was straddling Naruto’s waist, which caused them to rub against each other. That, along with another embarrassing reaction, made Sasuke involuntarily moan into the kiss and his grip on Naruto tightened, as if he were afraid of letting go.
That friction was enough to make both deepen the kissing even more and they made out, violently, passionate and desperately, losing themselves in that frenzied sensation. The world could have ended, for all they cared about and nothing could have stopped them from brutally slamming their mouth against each other, toying, biting and nibbling.
Naruto wasn’t feeling the effect of it already because Sasuke’s skin had heated up and his cheeks were flushed; his hands were all over his hair, his neck and back, just gripping, holding on so tightly it hurt.
Sasuke pushed him away, finally, but it wasn’t without a grudge or slight feeling of disappointment. He hated himself for it, was appalled by his own weakness and would have done anything to dampen the agony rising in him. He wasn’t doing this for himself, but for Naruto and he, being the blasted twit he was, wasn’t helping things at all.
“Naruto, this is insane,” Sasuke said warningly, not wanting to look at Naruto’s expressive features. He knew what he would find there: sincerely fierce loyalty and love, an emotion that was troublesome as it was destructive. Again, he told himself that he had to be strong and not give in, lest he wanted to end things properly. If he didn’t stop this insanity right now, he wouldn’t be able to do it later.
“No, I’ll prove you that this isn’t wrong,” Naruto murmured into his ear, very well aware of the fact that it was making the other shudder and more anxious to push him away. He knew that it wasn’t really that hard to break Sasuke’s inner walls, it just took a little violent persuasion and, if he had to box him into reason, so be it. By now, Naruto thought that he knew more about Sasuke than anyone else, including his weak spots. And he knew that nothing made him more agreeable than kissing the shit out of him.
Without preamble, he grabbed the Uchiha’s hands and more or less dragged him to their (which was still theirs, whatever the bastard said) bedroom, where he would show him how none of this was wrong.
-------
Damn, sometimes Sasuke really wished he had killed the dobe when he had gotten the chance Or, that he hadn’t been so willing to give his fucking virginity to Naruto, which as he – regrettably – noticed was giving him more problems than necessary. It should have only been a fuck, a transition of the flesh to pass the time. He hadn’t expected to feel more and he certainly hadn’t expected nor wanted Naruto to fall in love with him. That hadn’t been part of the plan.
It had to be said that once he had let Naruto in his life, he wasn’t going to disappear just like that.
“Stop it, damn…Naruto,” he attempted one last time, though he didn’t try too hard. Because, in spite of his strength and, not to mention, speed, they still ended up naked in bed. Of course, Sasuke blamed the more incoherent parts of his brain for that. He -- the rational part that is - hadn’t wanted it, his hands hadn’t clawed at the other’s shirt nor had they taken any part in removing Naruto’s pants. He hadn’t thrown his shirt on the floor either and hadn’t helped Naruto with rest of his clothes.
According to Naruto, Sasuke was quite a bit of work; he was volatile, stubborn and, if that term could ever be used for a male, bitchy. Had this been a matter of washing the dishes or his choice of dressing, he would have dismissed it, grinning smugly.
But he was too angry to allow him to get his way; he had indulged in the other’s mood for too long. Still, as much as he felt the need to hate Sasuke for his foolishness, he was – lying under him and writhing under his caresses – perfect. He found it endearing that Sasuke, as much as he evidently enjoyed this, tried his best not to moan out and whisper his name, begging for more. Naruto wouldn’t do him the honour of stopping, though and feeling even more sadistic, he latched his tongue at the other’s nibbles, which made Sasuke squirm, hiss and bite his lips out even more. He was such a drama queen, really.
“You’re an idiot; if you pretend that this doesn’t affect you at all,”
“Shut up,” Sasuke replied testily, though his reply was more like a half whine. He couldn’t keep his voice steady when Naruto’s tongue was teasing him like this, sending jolts of pleasure down his spine with that touch. Whatever little resistance he might have offered – like frying the dobe’s manhood – died when the aforementioned met his lips in a kiss, started to nibble against his lower lip, teasing it gently before invading his mouth.
Sasuke was indignant and pissed off beyond measure. He cursed his own existence and Naruto for being such a good kisser; the soft, hasty kisses on his neck and the feel of Naruto's breath against his skin was making him feel thrilled, unable to do anything, but gnash his teeth frustratedly.
“Naruto,” he finally whispered half angrily, not knowing what the hell he meant to achieve by it. He had lost the chain of his coherent thoughts as soon as they had hit the bed, which was a disgrace and was to be blamed on Naruto (again) and his own hormones. He couldn’t, however, suppress gasping when he felt the stupid, damned idiot’s hands on his erection, travelling slowly and a little too idly up down and his length, doing nothing, but teasing. This was bad. He would have murmured “Get on with it”, had his pride not gotten in the way. There was no way in hell, he was going to satisfy Naruto by complying.
Naruto, however, knew that his advances were working because Sasuke hadn’t pushed him off yet, which definitely meant that he was enjoying this. He wasn’t one to be cheesy, but he loved the way Sasuke looked right now: eyes half-shut, face flushed a light shade of pink and his fine, black hair covering his sweat soaked forehead made him look delectable, absolutely worth of debauchery – definitely worth to take.
He continued his ministrations, squeezing and touching just so much that Sasuke was left frustrated; he wouldn’t last much, otherwise and Naruto had every intention of enjoying himself, too – he was still a selfish prat, after all. Sasuke was already buckling against him, his hands clawing at his back and he was panting audibly, sending shivers down Naruto’s spine. If there was one thing, he could never get enough of then it were the sounds the Uchiha made. It was strange that someone, who was usually silent and stoic, was capable of expressing himself like that through embarrassed whimpers, subdued groans and frustrated curses.
“I hate you, Naruto.”
At this point, it was all in vain. Sasuke didn’t really bother to hide how he much wanted to do this and he didn’t care about dignity anymore. Naruto, however, was still annoying him. Instead, of giving him want he wanted, he was still trailing lazy kisses down his neck, teasing him with light strokes on his thighs.
“Naruto, damn it…” he started, not wanting to say the rest. He hoped that the blond, in spite of his obliviousness, would get what he was aiming at. To beg was out of the question.
“If you want something, say it.”
“I’ll …kill…you,” Sasuke hissed out between breaths.” Damn it, Naruto…please.”
The distress in Sasuke’s voice was enough of a hint for Naruto, knowing that it if he didn’t oblige, he would regret it -- or end up being a bottom. Sasuke was impatient like that. There wasn’t anything wrong about this, but tonight Naruto was insistent on being dominant.
Leaving Sasuke, who sent him a death glare, on the bed, he rummaged the shelves for the lube. Naruto wasn’t going to do without it because the only time he had been foolish enough to do so, he had ended up being punched in the face, kicked off the bed and, hadn’t it been for the Kyuubi, he might have died of a concussion. That, of course, had been enough to ruin the sex for the evening and since then, Naruto decided that it wasn’t advisable to test his luck.
This wasn’t becoming too much bear and Sasuke nearly moaned out loudly when he felt Naruto enter him, slowly; his legs wrapped around the other’s waist and closing his eyes, Sasuke lost himself in the sensation. He thought that he nearly felt his head bang against the bedpost. It was strange that after all this time; he still couldn’t get entirely used to it, to the warmth of another person and Naruto was too warm, too sweaty and most of all, too real.
Naruto didn’t bother to start off slowly, his anger and despair still working for him. His thrusts were hard, fast and forceful, making the bed squeak in nearly sickening motions. But Sasuke didn’t seem to mind, if the motion of his hips and his muffled cries were any indication. He wasn’t a doll and Naruto knew that he wasn’t going to die from this. Besides, it felt too good, way too good, to be wasted on being slow; he didn’t need to savour the moment, but just wanted to break Sasuke a little, make him scream and force some of that repressed emotion out of him.
Sasuke knew that he wouldn’t last long, not if Naruto kept moving that insistently. He tried his best not to moan out, not to call out that dreaded name, but the more he felt that pressure building up inside him, the weaker his intentions grew, until they finally crumbled. Naruto’s hand had reached out for his erection, this time stroking; again maddeningly slowly, drawing out the thrill that made him buckle and feel jolts all over his body.
“Fuck, Naruto..I –“he cried out, arching off the bed slightly, meeting the other’s frantic thrusts with his hips.
Although, in the back of his mind, he should have been angry, he wasn’t: he had been foolish. He had really been dim-witted to assume that this could be so easily tossed away. Instead, he held on to Naruto, embracing him in the only way he could and lost the all grip on reality he still had. After that, he didn’t think anymore, didn’t feel anything, but the sensation of warmth, the familiar scent of the other and the comfortable weight pressed against his own.
The bed was creaking, squeaking louder than before and nearly seemed in danger of collapsing because it was shuddering that violently. Neither of them lasted long, both of them still feeling the frustration and aggression of the previous fight too keenly to be gentle or draw out the sensation. But it was enough and they collapsed against each other, sweat-soaked and breathing heavily.
……….
It was still cold in the apartment and the shadows danced merrily throughout the room. However, little by little, streaks of light fell through, at first still a dim, a greyish blue until they became more vibrant and the whole room was illuminated.
Sasuke wasn’t the sort to indulge in pillow talk after sex, which he considered to be a waste of time. In his opinion, there wasn’t anything to talk about after screwing because it wasn’t only tiring, but led to half-assed confession that weren’t worth anyone’s time. Not to mention, he felt sweaty, dirty and sore – a thing that didn’t help to make feel any less cranky and annoyed than he already was.
But the idiot had other plans, apparently.
“So, you’re still convinced that we’re supposed to part ways?” Naruto asked smugly, grinning down at him. He had his head propped up against his elbow and looked anything, but sleepy.
“Naruto … just shut up. “
“Does this mean no?”
If he had felt less exhausted, Sasuke would have punched the other’s face just to make himself feel better; the exercise of shutting Naruto’s obnoxious mouth was always something that consoled him. To his dismay, however, he couldn’t move and the only thing he desired at the moment was to fall asleep. To achieve this, he turned away from Naruto and was about to close his eyes when an infuriating voice said:
“Sasuke…don’t turn your fuckin’ back at me. And answer, damn it!”
“Naruto, there’s no way of parting ways with you, even if I mutilated your damn body and fed your remains to the lions. Your ghost would probably come back to haunt me, anyway,” Sasuke mumbled, losing his patience, and he felt the truth of his words, too. As frightening as it sounded, he knew that Naruto, who couldn’t take “no” for an answer, was as much a part of his life like the freakin’ spectre of Itachi, his parents and the rest of his clan looming over his head. It was bond he couldn’t sever, no matter what. And as much as he claimed to hate it, Sasuke didn’t.
“Wouldn’t you be devastated if I died, bastard?” Naruto suddenly said, bringing him back to reality with a full force. If Sasuke had felt drowsy before, he wasn’t now – hearing this was like a slap in the face, alerting all of his senses.
“What kind of question is that?” he asked angrily, feeling grumpy at not being allowed to rest. Naruto had proven his point and there was no reason to talk now.
“It’s simple: Would you or not?”
Sasuke didn’t know what the hell had happened with Naruto; it wasn’t in his nature to attack him with questions, especially not in the aftermath of sex. Then, admittedly, they didn’t talk that much, not counting their arguments. He ran through the question in his head, images running through his mind and, all of a sudden, he felt sick, visualising the worst case scenario.
Of course, Naruto didn’t wait for an answer, but looking up at his face, his expression turned serious and was rendered nearly unrecognisable for an instant. His eyebrows were furrowed and his lips were tightly pressed against each other, as if he were reliving a scene that still haunted him.
“I’d die, if you weren’t here anymore,” Naruto finally responded, his voice small and serious. “I’d freakin’ die. I know that. I can’t live without you.”
If Sasuke had been less repressed and more touch-feely, he would have reached out to caress Naruto’s face gently, touched him gently, reassuringly. But he didn't.
“Naruto, why are we talking about this?”
“Because you’re a retarded, emotionless and damned jerk; that’s why…you just wanted to break up without giving a shit about my feelings.”
“It’s not like you give a damn about mine.”
“You’re just sayin’ that because you don’t want to admit that you’re smitten with me, that being with me makes your knees weak and your heart skip a beat…I’m the best and you know that.”
“Naruto…”
“Because if you didn’t feel anything for me, we wouldn’t be here, “Naruto said, smiling confidently,“No, you would have rather cut my balls off, if you’d felt like it.“
Naruto didn’t give him a chance to answer, but kissed him sloppily on the lips before his head hit the pillow. Then, without further ado, he started to snore loudly.
Sasuke allowed himself to smile, ever so briefly, before, ignoring all conventions of hygiene and his own pet peeves, he allowed himself to fall asleep. Later, he could complain and kick Naruto’s ass for ruining his plans again, but for now, he was alright.
He wouldn’t be able to get rid off Naruto ever, but, for once, he didn’t really mind. It was futile to protest, after all.
...
Rating: M
Summary: In which Naruto won’t let Sasuke go. NaruSasu.
Sometimes things in life just don’t work out. You can twist, bend and try to rearrange the shape till it slashes you across the face and cuts your breath off, but it won’t friggn’ work. It won’t because it’s fucked up, broken beyond repair. It’s too broken to be mended and what’s left of something that was once solid, is just a fragmented piece of debris and cracked up, spoilt goods. And when that happens you’re forced to move your legs mechanically towards the direction of the door to leave. Or you’re left to stay to pick up the pieces, pretending that everything is fine, even though it’s killing you inside. So, you’ve got two choices: to be a proud winner or a pathetic loser. It’s your pick.
Once, when he had felt bored and there hadn’t been enough ramen to stuff his mouth with, Naruto had come across that ..."line", for lack of better word. He had no idea why that phrase had affected him that much or why he remembered it now, considering he wasn’t too fond of literature -- too much prose made his head swirl and confused the shit out of him.
But, for the first time in his life, he thought that not every written word was entirely devoid of meaning. That it could even stimulate his brain cells and urge him to think about the current problems in his life, which – no pun intended – were again aplenty. And, as always, they dealt with Sasuke.
Naruto realised that neither options really worked for him. The first being too inhuman and cold-hearted – he couldn’t just walk away – and the latter was cowardly ass-kissing: damnable submission that wasn’t even worthy of a beggar. He wasn’t a scaredy cat; he wasn’t going to give this up without a fight nor was he going to beg on his knees like some deplorable wussy. He had more pride than that and to crawl on his fuckin’ knees in front of anyone was enough to make him want to retch. No, he wasn’t going to give Sasuke that satisfaction.
It was cold in the apartment; not the knife-stabbing cold of winter, but the cold that came in autumn on a hateful November night and froze skin, cracked it and was chilling enough to make tooth clatter against tooth, like two swords clashing in a fight. This was enough to make anyone feel miserably shitty and Naruto, even though he tried to hide it, didn’t feel really content; it wasn’t just the cold that was nagging at him, but the bastard’s damned behaviour. Sasuke, being who he was, had broken things off with him. Of course, breaking up according to Sasuke, happened overnight and was done with the simple:
“Get out. We’re done, Naruto.”
And he had expected Naruto to accept it – just like that. Well, he wasn’t only a bastard for this, but an arrogant jerk.
--------
It shouldn’t have been that cold, but it was and the ticking of the clock in the kitchen drove Naruto insane. It seemed to amplify the relentless throbbing in his head, heightening it to such an extent that he couldn’t think clearly anymore and the only focus he had was the pain, the constant drumming in his head.
“Shut the fuck up,” he yelled desperately and threw a heavy volume of “Icha Icha Violence” at it, thus making the offensive thing come out of its hook and fall with a clattering thud on the floor, which resounded in the entire room. Then, the monotonous tick-tic-tac came to a screeching stop, died down and then, finally, ceased to be – it was like an explosion, monstrous in its effect, yet fleeting in its existence. The book which he had perused for his private satisfaction remained motionless on the ground and Naruto didn’t bother to pick it up – he didn’t need it, anyway.
Although the ruckus had come to a momentary halt, his head was still aching from the sickening amount of alcoholic beverage he had consumed that day. It wasn’t something to be proud of, mostly because he wasn’t much – if at all – of a drinker. It was Sasuke’s fault.
All of this was the bastard’s fault because all he ever did was whine, mope and, in that way, make everyone’s life a miserable hell.
Sasuke, of course, wasn’t here, but he could still sense, even smell his lingering presence in the now deadly silent room, where shadows were crawling out, stretching their elongated limbs from under the curtains and dancing under the sickly green of the moon. Like this, they looked like puppets in a black and white film; grotesquely deformed and part of a nightmarish world.
The sound of a key turning in the door caused Naruto to look up, his despondent reverie broken. He didn’t say a word when the door opened and the familiar features of Sasuke came into view, looking beautiful as ever, though his clothes were ruffled, clearly showing that he had had a tough day behind him. But that didn’t make him feel sorry for him; Naruto’s day had been tough, too, if not tougher.
“Aah, you’re still here,” Sasuke muttered tiredly, throwing Naruto a quick, careless glance. He wasn’t satisfied, not understanding what the fuck the dead-last was still doing here when he had told him plainly to get the hell out. Sasuke thought he had been pretty clear about that. But, of course, Naruto being Naruto just hadn’t gotten the message.
“So I am, but don’t worry I’ll be gone soon…I’ll just toss the few junk I own into my bag,” Naruto said coolly, holding his head between two hands and rubbing his head, which was still hurting profusely.
He was lying and both of them knew it, but Sasuke insistent on playing that little game, continued:
“You should have done it sooner…Didn’t your lessons end six hours ago?”
Naruto nodded absent-mindedly, deploring the fact that Sasuke could always detect those little imperfections about him – be it his manners or lack thereof, his badly ironed clothes and the way he fought. However, he didn’t feel like putting up a grin. No, he couldn’t play the clown, not when he felt like slamming his fist against a wall, just to lessen some of the anger building up inside of him.
“I wasn’t there, “he managed to say, choking out the words like venom that was galling his throat, slowly choking him to death. In another – more sardonic – part of his being, he marvelled at his sudden incapability to string words and sentences phrases properly together. That was unlike him, not that he had ever been eloquent in his expressions; he was just, like some say, an annoying chatterbox, who knew more than his full share of perverted jokes and profane words. But most of all, he never shut up.
Sasuke sighed and took a seat before Naruto, eyeing him with even more annoyance than before. He didn’t like this at all, but after much deliberation he had thought it best to call it quits, seeing that all they ever did was make each other’s life miserable or fuck. Besides, Naruto wasn't what he needed right now.
“I wonder…” Naruto uttered in a ragged voice, drained of vitality and only short of sounding like bitterness, before he suddenly stopped and looked down at his dirty shoes in sudden interest.
“What is it you wanted to say?” Sasuke asked, ever so slightly concerned about Naruto’s sudden meekness. It wasn’t natural for him to be silent, unless gagged. “Spit it out, dobe. “
“I wonder how you can be so fucking casual about this,” Naruto uttered again, this time louder and more aggressively than before.
Sasuke cast his eyed downwards, refusing to meet the other’s questioning gaze. No, he had to be strong and he was going to prove that he wasn’t vulnerable and not like Naruto; emotions didn’t get the better of him. He wasn’t going to allow himself to be affected, not this time.
“It happens all the time, Naruto. Don’t act like it’s the end of the world or something,” he remarked coolly, hoping that it would trigger something in the blond and make him walk out of the fucking door. Of course, his instinct, knew better – Naruto wouldn’t leave. Not until, he or both of them were dead. Also, the entire misfortune of Sasuke’s life happened to be that his plans, intentions always backfired and came back to bite him in the arse. If things had worked out the way he had wanted them to happen, he would have been alone, content and most of all, wouldn’t have this silly conversation with Naruto.
Cold-hearted bastard, Naruto thought contemptuously, feeling something hideously icy and chilling embracing his body; he shuddered and looked away from Sasuke, who was still regarding him with that unapproachable air of disdain and superiority.
At that moment, Naruto felt that he could have lunged forward, thrown him to the floor and strangled him to death without feeling the slightest pang of guilt: he didn’t deserve this. And if Sasuke thought that this façade was going to work with him, then he was solemnly mistaken. He wanted to slap him so badly it hurt, but he calmed himself down, figuring that a fight wouldn’t resolve things at all.
Instead, he rose ever so swiftly from his seat and hammered his fist against the surface the table, not caring that teacup and spoons were clattering and in danger of crashing to the floor in broken pieces and splinters: he didn’t give a fuck about the pantry, not when he wouldn’t have opportunity to ever use it again. Besides, it didn’t matter; nothing mattered instead of convincing that thick-headed, moronic asshole that he wasn’t going to walk out of the door just like that. Naruto wasn’t a quitter. No, he wasn’t going to give up at all, not until the world was still spinning.
“Maybe it doesn’t mean anything to you…” Naruto started, his entire body trembling with something indefinably intense and passionate, which was neither rage nor overwhelming sadness – that would have been undermining them, simplifying a range of emotions that couldn’t be pinned down like a butterfly.
“But it’s for me. I, for whatever damned reasons, love you and I’m not going to sit here and pretend that it’s fine, that I’ll get through it just like that. And don’t tell me that you don’t feel a thing because I don’t believe it!”
“You’re a fucking idiot, Naruto. I told that that it won’t work out. Stop being so damned stubborn,” Sasuke managed to say, mouth working all too mechanically and his voice possessing that same tone of superiority. It was hard to maintain control when his insides were tearing up.
“It’s you who are,” Naruto replied venomously through gritted teeth, taking on that unspoken challenge to lash out. That always worked, even though it wasn’t healthy and made things even more screwed than they already were. But he couldn’t reach Sasuke otherwise.
There was silence, after that, was impenetrable and Naruto imagined he could hear grass growing, insects fornicating over that dull, thick atmosphere. But he wasn’t going to talk, not until Sasuke showed some sort of reaction, but he continued to sit there, staring at him with cool, unreadable eyes.
“Naruto, we went through this before. I’m not going to explain-“
Harsh lips, tasting like ramen and slight alcohol, stopped him short. Sasuke’s eyes widened momentarily, but in another second, he snapped them closed and gave in. Maybe it was the familiarity of the touch that did it; maybe it was because he was tired of pretending not to care. Perhaps, it was all of those reasons and another – Naruto was the only to make him feel excited. Before, he could even register what was going on; he had – somehow – leapt out of his seat and was returning the kiss with as much fervour. This was easy, far too easy, but it didn’t matter.
His brain seemed to go click and then the only thing that mattered was to kiss the other back with equal force, to fight over something, where dominance shouldn’t have played a role: but, boys will be boys, and Sasuke was about as unwilling to relent as Naruto was.
Sasuke moaned into the kiss, arousing Naruto in a way that made him even more ruthless in his caresses and resulted in his slamming the other against a wall. He knew that it must have hurt because Sasuke groaned slightly and the grip on his shoulders got nearly painful. It didn’t matter, though. He didn’t care whether the Sasuke went mad from the pain or not, didn’t care for anything, but that electrifying feel of overpowering the other boy.
“You’re not the only one who can be cruel, Sasuke,” he whispered into his ear, and then nibbled on the soft skin lightly, which made the other’s breath quicken slightly. “Just because you’re an Uchiha doesn’t mean that you can push me away just like that … “
It didn’t end there, of course. As soon as Sasuke’s back had made contact with the coldness of the white wall, where the paint had started to peel off, he wrapped his arms around Naruto’s neck; his legs were soon hanging, dangling from the floor and he was straddling Naruto’s waist, which caused them to rub against each other. That, along with another embarrassing reaction, made Sasuke involuntarily moan into the kiss and his grip on Naruto tightened, as if he were afraid of letting go.
That friction was enough to make both deepen the kissing even more and they made out, violently, passionate and desperately, losing themselves in that frenzied sensation. The world could have ended, for all they cared about and nothing could have stopped them from brutally slamming their mouth against each other, toying, biting and nibbling.
Naruto wasn’t feeling the effect of it already because Sasuke’s skin had heated up and his cheeks were flushed; his hands were all over his hair, his neck and back, just gripping, holding on so tightly it hurt.
Sasuke pushed him away, finally, but it wasn’t without a grudge or slight feeling of disappointment. He hated himself for it, was appalled by his own weakness and would have done anything to dampen the agony rising in him. He wasn’t doing this for himself, but for Naruto and he, being the blasted twit he was, wasn’t helping things at all.
“Naruto, this is insane,” Sasuke said warningly, not wanting to look at Naruto’s expressive features. He knew what he would find there: sincerely fierce loyalty and love, an emotion that was troublesome as it was destructive. Again, he told himself that he had to be strong and not give in, lest he wanted to end things properly. If he didn’t stop this insanity right now, he wouldn’t be able to do it later.
“No, I’ll prove you that this isn’t wrong,” Naruto murmured into his ear, very well aware of the fact that it was making the other shudder and more anxious to push him away. He knew that it wasn’t really that hard to break Sasuke’s inner walls, it just took a little violent persuasion and, if he had to box him into reason, so be it. By now, Naruto thought that he knew more about Sasuke than anyone else, including his weak spots. And he knew that nothing made him more agreeable than kissing the shit out of him.
Without preamble, he grabbed the Uchiha’s hands and more or less dragged him to their (which was still theirs, whatever the bastard said) bedroom, where he would show him how none of this was wrong.
-------
Damn, sometimes Sasuke really wished he had killed the dobe when he had gotten the chance Or, that he hadn’t been so willing to give his fucking virginity to Naruto, which as he – regrettably – noticed was giving him more problems than necessary. It should have only been a fuck, a transition of the flesh to pass the time. He hadn’t expected to feel more and he certainly hadn’t expected nor wanted Naruto to fall in love with him. That hadn’t been part of the plan.
It had to be said that once he had let Naruto in his life, he wasn’t going to disappear just like that.
“Stop it, damn…Naruto,” he attempted one last time, though he didn’t try too hard. Because, in spite of his strength and, not to mention, speed, they still ended up naked in bed. Of course, Sasuke blamed the more incoherent parts of his brain for that. He -- the rational part that is - hadn’t wanted it, his hands hadn’t clawed at the other’s shirt nor had they taken any part in removing Naruto’s pants. He hadn’t thrown his shirt on the floor either and hadn’t helped Naruto with rest of his clothes.
According to Naruto, Sasuke was quite a bit of work; he was volatile, stubborn and, if that term could ever be used for a male, bitchy. Had this been a matter of washing the dishes or his choice of dressing, he would have dismissed it, grinning smugly.
But he was too angry to allow him to get his way; he had indulged in the other’s mood for too long. Still, as much as he felt the need to hate Sasuke for his foolishness, he was – lying under him and writhing under his caresses – perfect. He found it endearing that Sasuke, as much as he evidently enjoyed this, tried his best not to moan out and whisper his name, begging for more. Naruto wouldn’t do him the honour of stopping, though and feeling even more sadistic, he latched his tongue at the other’s nibbles, which made Sasuke squirm, hiss and bite his lips out even more. He was such a drama queen, really.
“You’re an idiot; if you pretend that this doesn’t affect you at all,”
“Shut up,” Sasuke replied testily, though his reply was more like a half whine. He couldn’t keep his voice steady when Naruto’s tongue was teasing him like this, sending jolts of pleasure down his spine with that touch. Whatever little resistance he might have offered – like frying the dobe’s manhood – died when the aforementioned met his lips in a kiss, started to nibble against his lower lip, teasing it gently before invading his mouth.
Sasuke was indignant and pissed off beyond measure. He cursed his own existence and Naruto for being such a good kisser; the soft, hasty kisses on his neck and the feel of Naruto's breath against his skin was making him feel thrilled, unable to do anything, but gnash his teeth frustratedly.
“Naruto,” he finally whispered half angrily, not knowing what the hell he meant to achieve by it. He had lost the chain of his coherent thoughts as soon as they had hit the bed, which was a disgrace and was to be blamed on Naruto (again) and his own hormones. He couldn’t, however, suppress gasping when he felt the stupid, damned idiot’s hands on his erection, travelling slowly and a little too idly up down and his length, doing nothing, but teasing. This was bad. He would have murmured “Get on with it”, had his pride not gotten in the way. There was no way in hell, he was going to satisfy Naruto by complying.
Naruto, however, knew that his advances were working because Sasuke hadn’t pushed him off yet, which definitely meant that he was enjoying this. He wasn’t one to be cheesy, but he loved the way Sasuke looked right now: eyes half-shut, face flushed a light shade of pink and his fine, black hair covering his sweat soaked forehead made him look delectable, absolutely worth of debauchery – definitely worth to take.
He continued his ministrations, squeezing and touching just so much that Sasuke was left frustrated; he wouldn’t last much, otherwise and Naruto had every intention of enjoying himself, too – he was still a selfish prat, after all. Sasuke was already buckling against him, his hands clawing at his back and he was panting audibly, sending shivers down Naruto’s spine. If there was one thing, he could never get enough of then it were the sounds the Uchiha made. It was strange that someone, who was usually silent and stoic, was capable of expressing himself like that through embarrassed whimpers, subdued groans and frustrated curses.
“I hate you, Naruto.”
At this point, it was all in vain. Sasuke didn’t really bother to hide how he much wanted to do this and he didn’t care about dignity anymore. Naruto, however, was still annoying him. Instead, of giving him want he wanted, he was still trailing lazy kisses down his neck, teasing him with light strokes on his thighs.
“Naruto, damn it…” he started, not wanting to say the rest. He hoped that the blond, in spite of his obliviousness, would get what he was aiming at. To beg was out of the question.
“If you want something, say it.”
“I’ll …kill…you,” Sasuke hissed out between breaths.” Damn it, Naruto…please.”
The distress in Sasuke’s voice was enough of a hint for Naruto, knowing that it if he didn’t oblige, he would regret it -- or end up being a bottom. Sasuke was impatient like that. There wasn’t anything wrong about this, but tonight Naruto was insistent on being dominant.
Leaving Sasuke, who sent him a death glare, on the bed, he rummaged the shelves for the lube. Naruto wasn’t going to do without it because the only time he had been foolish enough to do so, he had ended up being punched in the face, kicked off the bed and, hadn’t it been for the Kyuubi, he might have died of a concussion. That, of course, had been enough to ruin the sex for the evening and since then, Naruto decided that it wasn’t advisable to test his luck.
This wasn’t becoming too much bear and Sasuke nearly moaned out loudly when he felt Naruto enter him, slowly; his legs wrapped around the other’s waist and closing his eyes, Sasuke lost himself in the sensation. He thought that he nearly felt his head bang against the bedpost. It was strange that after all this time; he still couldn’t get entirely used to it, to the warmth of another person and Naruto was too warm, too sweaty and most of all, too real.
Naruto didn’t bother to start off slowly, his anger and despair still working for him. His thrusts were hard, fast and forceful, making the bed squeak in nearly sickening motions. But Sasuke didn’t seem to mind, if the motion of his hips and his muffled cries were any indication. He wasn’t a doll and Naruto knew that he wasn’t going to die from this. Besides, it felt too good, way too good, to be wasted on being slow; he didn’t need to savour the moment, but just wanted to break Sasuke a little, make him scream and force some of that repressed emotion out of him.
Sasuke knew that he wouldn’t last long, not if Naruto kept moving that insistently. He tried his best not to moan out, not to call out that dreaded name, but the more he felt that pressure building up inside him, the weaker his intentions grew, until they finally crumbled. Naruto’s hand had reached out for his erection, this time stroking; again maddeningly slowly, drawing out the thrill that made him buckle and feel jolts all over his body.
“Fuck, Naruto..I –“he cried out, arching off the bed slightly, meeting the other’s frantic thrusts with his hips.
Although, in the back of his mind, he should have been angry, he wasn’t: he had been foolish. He had really been dim-witted to assume that this could be so easily tossed away. Instead, he held on to Naruto, embracing him in the only way he could and lost the all grip on reality he still had. After that, he didn’t think anymore, didn’t feel anything, but the sensation of warmth, the familiar scent of the other and the comfortable weight pressed against his own.
The bed was creaking, squeaking louder than before and nearly seemed in danger of collapsing because it was shuddering that violently. Neither of them lasted long, both of them still feeling the frustration and aggression of the previous fight too keenly to be gentle or draw out the sensation. But it was enough and they collapsed against each other, sweat-soaked and breathing heavily.
……….
It was still cold in the apartment and the shadows danced merrily throughout the room. However, little by little, streaks of light fell through, at first still a dim, a greyish blue until they became more vibrant and the whole room was illuminated.
Sasuke wasn’t the sort to indulge in pillow talk after sex, which he considered to be a waste of time. In his opinion, there wasn’t anything to talk about after screwing because it wasn’t only tiring, but led to half-assed confession that weren’t worth anyone’s time. Not to mention, he felt sweaty, dirty and sore – a thing that didn’t help to make feel any less cranky and annoyed than he already was.
But the idiot had other plans, apparently.
“So, you’re still convinced that we’re supposed to part ways?” Naruto asked smugly, grinning down at him. He had his head propped up against his elbow and looked anything, but sleepy.
“Naruto … just shut up. “
“Does this mean no?”
If he had felt less exhausted, Sasuke would have punched the other’s face just to make himself feel better; the exercise of shutting Naruto’s obnoxious mouth was always something that consoled him. To his dismay, however, he couldn’t move and the only thing he desired at the moment was to fall asleep. To achieve this, he turned away from Naruto and was about to close his eyes when an infuriating voice said:
“Sasuke…don’t turn your fuckin’ back at me. And answer, damn it!”
“Naruto, there’s no way of parting ways with you, even if I mutilated your damn body and fed your remains to the lions. Your ghost would probably come back to haunt me, anyway,” Sasuke mumbled, losing his patience, and he felt the truth of his words, too. As frightening as it sounded, he knew that Naruto, who couldn’t take “no” for an answer, was as much a part of his life like the freakin’ spectre of Itachi, his parents and the rest of his clan looming over his head. It was bond he couldn’t sever, no matter what. And as much as he claimed to hate it, Sasuke didn’t.
“Wouldn’t you be devastated if I died, bastard?” Naruto suddenly said, bringing him back to reality with a full force. If Sasuke had felt drowsy before, he wasn’t now – hearing this was like a slap in the face, alerting all of his senses.
“What kind of question is that?” he asked angrily, feeling grumpy at not being allowed to rest. Naruto had proven his point and there was no reason to talk now.
“It’s simple: Would you or not?”
Sasuke didn’t know what the hell had happened with Naruto; it wasn’t in his nature to attack him with questions, especially not in the aftermath of sex. Then, admittedly, they didn’t talk that much, not counting their arguments. He ran through the question in his head, images running through his mind and, all of a sudden, he felt sick, visualising the worst case scenario.
Of course, Naruto didn’t wait for an answer, but looking up at his face, his expression turned serious and was rendered nearly unrecognisable for an instant. His eyebrows were furrowed and his lips were tightly pressed against each other, as if he were reliving a scene that still haunted him.
“I’d die, if you weren’t here anymore,” Naruto finally responded, his voice small and serious. “I’d freakin’ die. I know that. I can’t live without you.”
If Sasuke had been less repressed and more touch-feely, he would have reached out to caress Naruto’s face gently, touched him gently, reassuringly. But he didn't.
“Naruto, why are we talking about this?”
“Because you’re a retarded, emotionless and damned jerk; that’s why…you just wanted to break up without giving a shit about my feelings.”
“It’s not like you give a damn about mine.”
“You’re just sayin’ that because you don’t want to admit that you’re smitten with me, that being with me makes your knees weak and your heart skip a beat…I’m the best and you know that.”
“Naruto…”
“Because if you didn’t feel anything for me, we wouldn’t be here, “Naruto said, smiling confidently,“No, you would have rather cut my balls off, if you’d felt like it.“
Naruto didn’t give him a chance to answer, but kissed him sloppily on the lips before his head hit the pillow. Then, without further ado, he started to snore loudly.
Sasuke allowed himself to smile, ever so briefly, before, ignoring all conventions of hygiene and his own pet peeves, he allowed himself to fall asleep. Later, he could complain and kick Naruto’s ass for ruining his plans again, but for now, he was alright.
He wouldn’t be able to get rid off Naruto ever, but, for once, he didn’t really mind. It was futile to protest, after all.
...
